If you have read any of his books, you know Tucker Max is known for his crazy dating antics. But now, in his new book Mate, he is revealing what the men in your life probably never taught you. How to pick up girls.  And you know what? Many of the cold email psychology principles apply to your cold email campaign as well.

cold email psychology


Tucker Max Secret (cold email psychology):
Understand What It’s Like to be a Woman (prospect)

“As a man, it is impossible to be better at mating until you understand the subjective experience of a woman, because it is fundamentally different than yours in many ways. If you can account for those differences, you will be well on your way to increased success because most men spend zero time thinking about this.

Mating success requires cross-sex insight. You need to understand how women evaluate your qualities and how they perceive the status, danger, opportunities, and threats you could present. The better you learn to see these things from a woman’s point of view, the less confused, resentful, and frustrated you will be by how they respond to you.”

understand girl

Cold Email Application: Practice perspective-taking. For the cold email you send to be effective, you need to understand what it’s like to be in your prospects shoes. What are they genuinely worried about? What do they actually need to get done to be successful in their job?


Tucker Max Secret (cold email psychology): Understand What Women Want..And Why

“Women did not gather in a secret lair behind the shoe department at Neiman Marcus to watch a Bachelor marathon and decide on the definition of “the perfect guy” while their periods cycled together. On the contrary, a huge amount of research done over the past thirty years has revealed that women’s preferences are neither arbitrary nor confusing. They are actually very clear, and, more importantly for your mating efforts, they hold true at a deep unconscious level across all women, regardless of culture, ethnicity, social group, or tribe.

Fundamentally, they pick the same male traits over and over again and for good reasons.”

cold email psychology understand why

Cold Email Application:  Based on what you know about your prospects job duties, think deeply about exactly what they are looking for, what other options they have in the marketplace, and how they think about the unique situation they find themselves in.

 

Tucker Max Secret (cold email psychology): Signaling Theory

“Signaling theory states that when you’re trying to display attractive traits to women, you must… Click To Tweet

“Signaling theory states that when you’re trying to display attractive traits to women, you must follow the screenwriter’s dictum: show, don’t tell. You can’t just claim you have a good trait; saying “I’m smart!” means nothing. You have to actually show your intelligence and how it’s already made your life better, in specific, concrete ways.

Everything you do and say is sending these signals and proofs out in all directions all the time: your clothing, your grooming, your body language, your facial expressions, your shoes, your friends, and everything else about your appearance and actions. Women are bombarded by these signals from men all around them, and they sort through them very fast and unconsciously. Have you ever tried to talk to a woman, but you felt like after one glance she’d already made up her mind about you, even before you had a chance to talk to her? That’s probably because she did. But she wasn’t being a bitch. She didn’t think she was better than you! She just didn’t need to talk to you to figure out what kind of guy you are; she could already tell from how you looked and acted that you weren’t going to be her type. She was responding to your signals.”

cold email psychology style

Cold Email Application: Everyone salesman says they have the superior product or service, and the best customer service. So these words mean nothing to your prospect. Show them how you are superior, don’t tell. Build a rock solid foundation of an online presence, so when they research you before responding to your cold email, they correctly assess that you are someone worthy of their time and attention. Make no mistake, people are researching you before they decide if they are going to respond to your cold email.

 

Tucker Max Secret (cold email psychology): Women Evolved to Want Effective Men

“Attraction is an emotional, unconscious reaction to the suite of traits men present to women; it is NOT a conscious decision that they deliberate about.

In biology, effectiveness is called fitness.

Here are 3 main forms of effectiveness:

  1. Does he carry good genes?
  2. Will he be a good partner?
  3. Would he make a good dad?

Hollywood and romantic comedies and Hallmark greeting cards have convinced much of our culture that the six most romantic words a man can say to a woman are “I love you” and “I am sorry.” This is bull****. If you look at actual behavior and mate choice, the six most romantic words a man can say to a woman are “Don’t worry honey, I got this.” Which means, we face a real problem together as a couple, but I can totally handle it as a man. I am effective.”

cold email psychology effective

Cold Email Application: Your prospects want to work with experts in the field. Are you an effective professional that can get the job done? If so, your signaling needs to display this.

 

Tucker Max Secret (cold email psychology): “Honest” Courtship

“Here’s the problem with mating signals though: what keeps animals from lying about how great they are? Of course, all males of all species would love to send signals of maximum awesomeness so they could attract all the females. They would all love to lie about having the highest possible mate value. Seriously, if all animals could send signals that they are formidable rivals, uncatchable prey, and hot mates, they would. Evolution rewards signals that manipulate the receiver’s senses and brains into acting in the interests of the signaler; deferring to them, mating with them, or not eating them.

But evolution also rewards receivers who aren’t easily duped by lies and unreliable signals. So there’s a signaling arms race between signalers (e.g., males) and receivers (e.g., females). The signalers try to influence the receivers in the signalers interests, as when males try to seduce females. And the receivers try to distinguish the genuinely useful information in the signals from the deception and manipulation, like women on dates, trying to figure out if this guy is for real or all talk.

  • Funny guys don’t talk about being funny. They make you laugh.
  • Smart guys don’t talk about being intelligent. They engage your curiosity.
  • Confident guys don’t talk about being confident. They make you feel at ease.
  • Dedicated guys don’t talk about being dedicated. They act loving and faithful.”

cold email psychology honest

Cold Email Application: Build the infrastructure you need to DISPLAY your effectiveness as a professional in your industry. If you are selling marketing services, but your blog is not generating any leads for your own service, that is an “honest” signal to your prospect (honest, in a biological sense) that your skills are not up to par.

Work to develop these honest signals. This is the strongest sales pitch you can make, precisely because they are so hard to fake. Put time into your craft. Blog about your expertise. Produce a podcast on your topic. Interview influencers in your space and spend time learning from them. Your prospects will see all this as they decide to respond to your cold email.